There is No Finish Line

Since my last blog post 5 months ago, a lot has changed.

First and foremost - my student days are over. A month ago, I graduated from the University of Sheffield, with a Master's degree in Aerospace Engineering with Private Pilot Instruction.

It still feels strange to say it, given I spent 8 years of my life with this goal in mind. I'm immensely grateful to all the people in my life who helped me towards where I am now.

For one thing, it means this website might need a touch of rebranding - with me losing the student label, and looking forward to the next opportunity.

And I suppose that's what this post is about. What's happened since my graduation, and what might be to come.

Because the truth is - it was a lot tougher than I imagined.

The Aftermath

As strange as it sounds, the image of what my life after graduation would look like had never truly solidified in my head until I went through it.

In the time leading up to it, I was working to make sure I could actually finish my degree the way I wanted - rounding off the projects I was involved in as best I could, submitting my dissertation and job searching.

If anything, I was praying for that long awaited break where I wouldn't have any more work to submit - where, just for a while, I could relax.

But I understood as I got closer to the end, this summer was much more important for my future than I thought.

It wasn't just my last big stretch of free time before entering the world of work as a young adult - it was a time for me to evaluate what direction I wanted to take my life for the next few years.

And the immensity of that decision, combined with all the external struggles I had towards the end of my degree, meant that I hadn't mentally prepared myself for it.

Speaking with a close friend about it, he summed it up perfectly:

"It felt like that was it, I would finish uni and then 'the credits would roll' - but they didn't - life went on."

All my years of studying, spent climbing towards that end goal - I did my best to turn myself into someone who was optimised to work - to get grades and lead projects, to go to conferences, network, work jobs, achieve.

Thousands of hours later, I finally hit the summit of one of the biggest mountains I'd committed to climbing. I got the degree.

It was amazing.

For a few days.

And then, that thrill faded as well.

And what was left, was just this massive...void.

Bigger than anything I'd dealt with before.

This - uncertainty - about who I was now, and where my life was headed.

I realised, I'd been working for so long, that after I actually hit the finish line - I didn't know what to do with myself anymore.

All of the habits, and the frames of mind, the automatic thoughts I had towards myself and my work - they were great for academic achievement.

But that period of my life was over, and there was another one coming.

The finish line wasn't real.

And what I was moving on to - I needed to become a different person to take on those challenges.

The world was opening up, and as exciting as that was, the weight of that change was terrifying.

That realisation, ultimately spun me out of my mind for a while.

The Mental Struggle

Allowing myself that time off after graduating - where there was much less of a set schedule, where I felt much more in control of my time - I genuinely wasn't sure what to do with myself.

So I did what I was used to - I found ways of making more work for myself. I kept up with university projects from home, I volunteered with organisations, applied for jobs. And in the time in between, I did what I'd wanted for a long time - I took more of a break. Slept in, took walks, played games I'd been meaning to get around to.

All without realising I wasn't addressing the problem I'd created for myself through all those years of studying.

I wasn't satisfied with myself - with any of it. And a few days later, I began to feel less and less fulfilled. I came to a grinding halt, with that realisation:

Even a degree wasn't enough to make me feel proud of myself.

A part of me knew that I needed a break after the stress of my final year. But another part was deluded into feeling like I wasn't allowed that break - I needed to find the next job, the next opportunity - because that's what would REALLY fulfil me. A degree was no longer enough, but there had to be something else out there.

Metaphorically, I was driving a car in 6th gear, going 80 miles an hour towards this vision of 'success' with no way of shifting back down to first. One way or another, I needed to stop. So when I inevitably started doing less and less work, I felt terrible because of it. I felt unproductive, unworthy of praise.

And, in that limbo, I found it hard just to get out of bed most days - caught between unrelenting expectations and the inability to handle them all.

Getting Over It

Now, I've finally realised what it really means to be in the transition period.

Just like my first year of university, I'm using this time to reshape myself, and my mind. Shift gears down so that I can learn to work back up again in a way that I can enjoy life.

And spending time to figure out what that really means for me. What success is, to me - and who I would aspire to become.

I'm glad to say I've made decent progress.

I'm still set on a career in space, with plans on how to get there. I'm spending more time on hobbies that genuinely interest me, and I'm feeling much better. But with all that said, I think more than anything, the lesson I'm learning is to slow down and take things one step at a time.

During university, I did whatever I could to prepare myself for work, sacrificing my physical and mental health, without realising what it actually meant for me to do that. I deluded myself into thinking that the degree and the job was all there was.

Ultimately - fulfilment isn’t just something you feel for this specific set of achievements that people call 'success' - it’s also an active choice.

To derive fulfilment and happiness from what you do and what you’ve done, it doesn’t just happen unless you make it happen for yourself.

So now - I’m choosing to be proud of myself for finishing my degree. I’m choosing to find happiness and gratitude in the life that I’m living right now and the things I’ve been given.

What Did It All Mean?

All of this led me towards that one profound realisation.

Even now, whatever I work towards; it's not an end goal. Because there's no such thing as a real end goal.

It's just...a goal.

Whether it's a degree, a job, or the dream of becoming an astronaut - I don't need to take it as seriously as I am, because that mindset becomes crushing with the weight of responsibility.

Instead - I do what I enjoy - molding that to what it takes to get to where I want to go.

Every waking moment doesn't need to have the end in mind.

If you can learn to love the journey, without always trying to sprint towards the end - you've won.

So much of my life has been about internal struggles more than external ones - and this is just another that I'll get over.

If you've read something on here and loved it, or want to read more, feel free to shoot me a message on my socials:

Instagram:

LinkedIn:

The feedback helps massively. Thanks!